Letting Go of Perfect
Perfectionism isn’t a personality trait—it’s a survival strategy learned in childhood. Healing begins when you stop striving to be perfect and start learning to feel safe just being you.
“I just want to get it right.”
That simple phrase has come up countless times in my sessions with clients. Whether it’s about parenting, career success, relationships, or even how someone spends their free time—there’s often an invisible pressure whispering, “You need to be perfect.”
Perfectionism can sneak in wearing a mask of ambition, high standards, or responsibility. But underneath, it often hides anxiety, fear of failure, and chronic stress.
Let’s talk about it. Because if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or constantly questioning if you're doing enough, you are not alone.
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t just “trying your best.” It’s a mindset that says your best is never enough. It’s when your inner critic is so loud that it drowns out your accomplishments, joy, and self-compassion.
Perfectionism often shows up as:
Procrastinating because you're afraid the final product won’t be good enough
Overthinking even small decisions
Feeling paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Avoiding tasks or conversations unless you're 100% “ready”
Sound familiar? You’re not lazy or unmotivated—you might be stuck in the anxiety loop that perfectionism creates.
The Link Between Perfectionism and Anxiety
Perfectionism feeds anxiety in quiet but persistent ways. That pressure to perform or avoid mistakes creates a constant state of “fight or flight” in the nervous system. You’re always on edge, trying to prevent failure.
This leads to:
Increased cortisol (stress hormone) levels
Poor sleep and constant fatigue
Negative self-talk and low self-worth
Difficulty relaxing or feeling “done” with anything
It’s a stressful way to live. And eventually, it leads to burnout—emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
So... How Do We Embrace Change and Grow
Perfectionism is often deeply rooted in past experiences: the need to please, fear of rejection, or growing up in environments where mistakes weren’t safe. But healing is possible—and it doesn’t mean giving up on success or goals. It means redefining success in a way that supports your well-being.
Here are some therapeutic and practical strategies I share with clients:
Practice “Good Enough” Thinking
Instead of asking, “Is this perfect?” try shifting your focus to questions like:
Is this aligned with my values?
Is this kind to myself and others?
Is this complete enough to move forward?
How are you defining what is good enough?
What criteria are you using to make it good enough?
Adopting a “good enough” mindset allows you to give yourself permission to breathe, make progress, and live without the constant pressure to be flawless.
Schedule Imperfection on Purpose
Deliberately allow yourself to be imperfect in small ways. For example, send an email without over-editing it, wear an outfit that doesn’t perfectly match, or take a day off without feeling like you have to earn it.
Doing this regularly helps retrain your brain to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty without triggering panic or intense self-judgment.
Get to Know Your Inner Critic
The inner critic is often the loudest voice in the perfectionism cycle. It might say things like, “You’re not good enough,” or “If you make a mistake, you’ll be rejected.” But this voice didn’t emerge randomly—it often develops early in life as a protective mechanism.
Many people internalize this critical voice due to childhood experiences where love or acceptance felt conditional on performance or behavior. When caregivers were highly critical, emotionally unavailable, or inconsistent, children learned to monitor themselves constantly to avoid rejection or punishment.
To work with your inner critic:
Give this voice a name or imagine it as a character. This helps you recognize it as a part of you—not the whole of you.
Reflect on when this voice first appeared and what it was trying to protect you from, such as criticism, abandonment, or feeling unsafe.
Respond with compassion rather than judgment. You might say to yourself:
“I understand you’re trying to keep me safe, but I’m safe now. I don’t need to be perfect to be okay.”
This practice is the foundation of inner reparenting—offering yourself the kindness, safety, and validation that may have been missing in childhood.
Set Boundaries With Time and Energy
Perfectionism often leads to taking on too much in an attempt to prove your worth. Setting clear boundaries protects your well-being. This can include:
Saying no to tasks or commitments that drain you, even if you technically could do them
Blocking off unstructured time in your calendar for rest or hobbies
Letting go of the idea that everything has to be “done” perfectly before you can stop working
Boundaries are not selfish; they are an essential act of self-trust and respect.
Regulate Your Nervous System
Perfectionism and anxiety keep your nervous system in a state of chronic stress. You can’t think your way out of this alone—you need to engage your body and senses to calm your system.
Try incorporating:
Grounding exercises that focus on your five senses to bring you into the present moment
Breathwork or gentle humming to activate the vagus nerve, which helps regulate stress
Movement such as walking, yoga, or dancing to release tension
Spending time in nature or sensory-friendly environments to soothe your nervous system
When your body feels calm and regulated, it becomes easier to quiet the inner critic and listen to your own needs and truth.
Let Go of “Perfect,” Embrace What’s Real
You are not broken for feeling this way.
You learned perfectionism as a way to survive.
Now, you can choose to thrive.
Healing perfectionism means creating new patterns—ones rooted in safety, self-compassion, and authenticity. You get to live a life where rest is allowed, mistakes are part of learning, and your value isn’t conditional.
Do you want support to implement these strategies?
Not sure how to implement this or still feeling stress, be in touch. I am here to help you. Contact me to schedule a free consultation session.
